Ok. So this regular blogging thing isn’t really going to plan is it? Nearly 6 months since my last post… Oops.
Must. Try. Harder.
Somehow 2015 has made it’s appearance already (Happy New Year, people!) … and although I never really make resolutions, I am resolved to update this blog at least once a month (hopefully more) before I arrive back in the UK and this whole year is a distant memory.
The catalyst for this new-found determination has been the purely accidental discovery of a couple of other female travel blogs over the last week (youngadventuress.com, adventuresofasalmon.wordpress.com). As a believer – of sorts – in fate (strange really, considering my degree in Philosophy and all that talk of free will and suchlike), I figured it was a sign I should get back to mine.
I got to wondering why it is that I’ve sustained the radio silence for so long. After all, I have been in contact with the world (albeit intermittently) via Facebook, Instagram, Skype, email and actual, you know, FACE TO FACE interaction. I got it down to two main contributing factors. (Excepting my general tendency for procrastination, which is kind of a given). One is that I’ve been a bit too busy having fun. A pretty good reason for a lack of updates. The other is my slightly crippling need for everything to be perfect, and organised, and neat. All the time. Not so good, it turns out.
I worried about getting the perfect balance of funny and informative, realistic and whimsical, chatty and grammatically sound. And then making sure it was regular and up-to-date. All the worrying and constant editing, pondering and re-editing created a back-log and I lost the currency, and then couldn’t work out how to get it back with a gaping void in the middle. That wouldn’t be neat.
Somehow this minuscule little space of mine on the internet feels official. Proper. And as such, I felt like it HAD to be perfect…
Except of course, it doesn’t. Real life isn’t perfect. And striving for it just wastes time you could be better spending doing something fun! This kind of ‘stop worrying about it, just do it’ attitude runs through the blogs I stumbled across. And it’s fairly basic stuff of course. Spouted endlessly by extortionately-priced self-help books, guides and gurus aimed at fleecing the mentally and emotionally fragile. Hardly rocket science. But for me, writing and sending these little pockets of prose out there for you lot in the real world to read, was (/is) ever-so-slightly terrifying. JUDGEMENT! What if someone doesn’t like it?!
…I know, ‘so what?’, right? You can’t please all the people all the time etc. And it’s not like I’m promoting radical political opinions or anything. It’s just some bumblings about places I’ve been and things I’ve done.
It sort of boils down to the fact that I didn’t (/don’t) really know how to do it. There are no real rules. It’s just writing. And other peoples’ opinions of that writing. But my deep-seated, control-freakish need for perfection – to please, to be accepted, to be the best, to have every base covered, to be irrefutably right all the time – has made me fiercely competitive to the point of not really wanting to do something unless I know I’m going to be good at it. I get frustrated. I don’t like it. In fact, just admitting that feels quite annoying. A flaw. DAMN IT.
One good thing that’s come of the procrastination / perfectionism / good-time-having delay, is that I’ve unintentionally created a new way to challenge myself. Out of the window goes the idea of strictly chronological, grammatically perfect yet mildly amusing Booker-worthy blog entries. (Self-imposed) rules, shmules. A little chaos is gonna have to reign.
So it’ll be a bit less organised from now on. A bit less ‘produced’ as it were. There will be posts about life here in Chamonix (that’s where I am now, by the way! Check out my Instagram feed for some pics ahead of the first Alpine post) and some throwbacks to adventures and experiences in Nice and the South of France – drafts of which have been sitting awaiting editorial ‘polishing’ for some time. And maybe some other random thoughts or general musings if the mood takes me. Who knows, maybe I’ll start promoting radical political opinions. But rather than agonise over the perfect word or turn of phrase to illustrate a point, I’ll make the regularity of the posts and the communication with the outside world more of a priority. There’s no point writing this stuff if I’m the only one reading it!
So, here goes. I will no longer be scared of the ‘publish’ button.
*takes deep breath* …